“you will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow”
- Debbie Ford
Expectations are tricky. Especially when you have high standards, especially when you're really hard on yourself and have perfectionist tendencies.
If you can recall my last blog about my journey to self acceptance (if not, you can read it here) you will remember I started introducing changes to help optimise my physical health.
However, my overall intention was this: “... my ultimate aim is to learn to love myself exactly as I am right now - and then from this place of self acceptance, take steps towards creating the body, health and vitality I really desire”
Looking back, it was this deeply felt intention that led me into my own journey into the darkness once again.
I call ‘darkness’ the energy you hold in your body which relates to the changes you are seeking to make (whether consciously or subconsciously) and can arise as pain, fear, resistance, stuckness, depression, anxiety, negativity, sadness, overwhelment, self-criticism, grief, anger, rage, hopelessness - or any other ‘dark’ emotion you are harbouring.
The universe is consistent, and It's so easy for me to see this when I'm working with others. A person will set out to deal with an issue that is holding them back, and at some point in the journey it is time for the ‘darkness’ to emerge so it can be purged and transformed. Sometimes it is a short and relatively painless aspect of the transformation and at other times it can take on a life of its own.
Because that is what happens when you start to change a part of your life, particularly one that brings up resistance - your inner self takes the opportunity to alter things at a deep level, and darkness and light are intertwined. We need to experience and accept the darker parts of ourselves to fully appreciate our light. When we seek to alter our ‘surface’, there is a depth that is aching to be transformed. We are all trying to become whole, after all.
When you are going through a period of darkness it can be really tough, especially because you don't always know when it is time to come out the other side. It can feel like you never will. But from lots of experience, I can assure you that the darkness does end. And it is such a relief. It is the beginning of the next phase in your growth, time for the ‘next level’ you to emerge.
For me, the intention to focus on ‘body’ issues stirred up a lot of old, unacknowledged emotions, energy and patterning I didn't even realise I was still carrying. It has allowed me to look at my own darkness through fresh eyes and to both broaden and deepen my journey into self-acceptance.
Amanda is a (reformed) lawyer turned holistic life coach, self-care advocate, workshop facilitator, writer, speaker, avid reader, nature lover, chai tea drinker and mother to a curious, active toddler. A spirit seeker who loves connecting with others on journeys of self-discovery, Amanda believes we can all find our own version of success and live an empowered life.