A few months ago my son started daycare. He was ready, I was ready - and I knew he would love it. And yet the night before his first day, I was in tears.
The surge of emotion hit me after I had put my son to bed. I was sitting on the lounge with my husband, thinking about the logistics of the day ahead and all of a sudden a big lump formed in my chest and tears sprung from my eyes. It was pure, raw emotion. There was no logic.
When my husband asked me "what's the matter", I couldn't answer him.
I spent a lot of time that night crying. I'd wipe my tears and snotty nose only to have the emotion surface all over again. I know it was 'normal' to feel this way, and many of my friends had shared similar experiences when their children started daycare, but I still judged myself.
The truth is, I'm someone who has had to learn to embrace my 'negative' emotions, and this is still a 'work in progress' for me.
As a person who is very sensitive to energies and other people's emotions, when I feel something (whether it's my emotion or somebody else's) I feel it. I'm one of those red faced, snot running down my nose having to cry in public type of people because my emotions are so BIG.
Over time, I've discovered this is because I tend to push my feelings aside and live in my head, as I have picked up a subconscious belief that emotional expression = weakness. When my emotions do finally come to the surface (which they always do) they can feel big, hostile and out of control. When I'm picking up on other people's emotions and energies, confusion is added to the mix.
Though, as I learn to embrace my authentic self, to feel my emotions as they arise and look after my own energy so I'm able to manage other people's energies - my sense of self balance and openness increases. My emotions are gentler, and my peace increased.
Amanda is a (reformed) lawyer turned holistic life coach, self-care advocate, workshop facilitator, writer, speaker, avid reader, nature lover, chai tea drinker and mother to a curious, active toddler. A spirit seeker who loves connecting with others on journeys of self-discovery, Amanda believes we can all find our own version of success and live an empowered life.