My relationship with food has been - well - complicated, ever since I was a child. There are a number of reasons for this, but the outcome is that I have a tendency to use food as a way to deal with difficult and painful emotions, rather than being able to see it as something to simply nourish and fuel my body.
I've not had a diagnosed eating disorder as such - but I definitely attach emotional expectations to the food I eat (and don't eat). It's the classic - I've had a day where I've felt vulnerable and raw, so I really want pizza and garlic bread for dinner. Or - I know my body is craving green veges and some lean protein, but after a hard week at work, it's so much tastier and convenient to get chicken and chips from the takeaway shop.
This is the extreme, and I don't eat this way every day - but I am bothered by the close associations between my emotional state and my cravings for food.
Before I quit sugar more than four years ago, my cravings would be mostly sugar related - I was the person who would check the dessert menu first to work out what to order for dinner. Ice-cream was my comfort food, and I would ride the highs and lows of sugar dependence like they were a normal part of life.
I know not everyone is so triggered by food - but for me, it is closely related to my body image and feelings of health and vitality. And I don't want it to be any longer. It is finally time to take another step towards nourishing my body in a way that feels right for me. I'm looking for a sense of detachment and freedom.
I have an appointment with my nutritionist on Monday and my intention is to work together with her to create a plan of action towards changing my understanding of and relationship to food.
I would love to include you in my journey, so I'll be blogging about my experiences over the coming weeks. And if you've had any breakthroughs in relation to food, any struggles or resistance - I'd love to hear your stories!
Amanda is a (reformed) lawyer turned holistic life coach, self-care advocate, workshop facilitator, writer, speaker, avid reader, nature lover, chai tea drinker and mother to a curious, active toddler. A spirit seeker who loves connecting with others on journeys of self-discovery, Amanda believes we can all find our own version of success and live an empowered life.